It is terribly freeing. The act of honesty. For some it is natural. For me, it was learned. Each creaky bit of truth I spoke generated through sheer will and force of spirit.
The act of honest is enormously freeing. Of stepping out, in faith often, to be who you are called to be. The one who speaks, lives and breathes the truth. In and out. And when you fail at it, you admit to yourself and another this truth – that you have slipped off honesty but are redoubling your efforts right now to get back on that beam.
I was speaking in New York City on Tuesday in front of a crowd, talking about CHANGE, and I asked, just what is this problem of yours costing you!?
Ask yourself that question. What’s the cost? Sure there’s the financial piece. That usually springs to mind first. “We’re in the poorhouse cuzza your damn drinking!” I’ve heard more than a time or two. But really, what has been the cost? In the past, what has filled the place of a full life because of the interruption brought by addiction, and dependency?
The cost of my addiction was well over a three quarters of a million dollars. A lot. That’s not counting lost wages, productivity, dreams, schemes or what ifs. That’s just the dollar cost, makes no sense. I estimated that over the 20 years of active addiction, I spent on average 40K per year. Between the alcohol, the pills, the coke and the crystal, the cigarettes and the nonsense, it was buckets and buckets of dough.
What has it cost you? Come’on. Be honest with me. Level with me here.
Consider this question – WHAT HAS IT COST? In the broadest sense?
The addiction that ran laps around my head occupied the same space that a family might have. I will never know that particular cost. I was an absent son, brother, uncle. I was an addicted spouse, a troubled partner. It took a long time to get honest on this line-item rigorous bit of truth.
It cost a lot.
Grab a pen and jot down what it’s robbed from you. This exercise is not to paint you in to the victim’s corner. Just the opposite. If you desire to really get honest (and you must if you wish to heal, help and hold) then the list of real costs is an invaluable step in seeing where you really are in all this.
“REAL COSTS”
As the result of my ______________________’s addiction, I have lost out on:
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
So that’s your start. Your silence won’t protect you; not one ounce. That’s what counts, really. Honesty is more than a saying or a slogan or a hope. It is the absolute fundamental foundation of helping someone you love, get out of the hole they’ve dug for themselves. By taking an accurate inventory, through understanding the costs in real terms, we can move forward with a clear sense of the deficit that’s been created in this whole big ball of bad.
Email me your costs. Really. It matters. Share that with me. It will free something inside you. Free a part of you that’s been too busy holding it together.
A week ago a dear friend was in my home, and a crystal pipe fell out of her jacket pocket. The mood in an instant changed. She had been sober a great many years, yet in that moment I knew she had relapsed and no matter what words she strung together next, I knew in my gut that the words she said were in contrast to what her eyes were telling me.
It took about fourteen minutes for the truth to squeeze out. I didn’t squeeze her. I just made it safe for the truth to be spoken. So speak your truth with me, really, it is critical. When we share it with another human being, when we really get honest and talk nickels, dimes and dollars, we talk cost.
My life since I stopped, has been nothing short of tough. And beautiful, and beyond my wildest dreams! Honesty is a cornerstone. Let’s do this, together. – Brad@InterventionSpecialists.org
