Drug & Alcohol Intervention Help - We Get Them In to Treatment : NYC Intervention Specialists

When I was a boy I loved skipping rocks. I’d fill my pockets on the shore of the river, the sea or lake before heading to the edge and make the smooth stone slide across the waters’ surface. I love the wet glide of the rock, the path before the inevitable plunge below the surface.

The ripples move out from the disruption of the waters surface in all directions.

Long before I had done a drug, swallowed a drink or moved into addiction that controlled and directed my path for decades, I would escape in other ways. I read, daydreamed, sought stillness from whatever it was that bothered me. From what distracted my peace.

My story is like so many others. Trauma had crept in to the sweet calm life, had changed my metal. I was transformed. And from the new me that I had become in that space, I sought relief. My modus operandi was reading. For hours on end. A full day I would spend curled up, away from all else, thrown into nothing but this imaginary land into which the reading would carry me. Read, read, read.

“Brad, put that book down, and get in here,” my momma would holler at me. Supper time. Time to cut the grass, rake the leaves, weed the garden. Time to get busy living. For me it was the living that had become rough. Left alone to the feelings that were the result of my life then, I sought comfort elsewhere. It was books, then food for a time. Then a stronger sense of salvation came. Alcohol.

It took me away, far from the shores of my own mind, and hurt. The feelings got in the way of living, and they stemmed from that stuff from so long ago. The resilience I learned was not a healthy resilience. Healthy resilience looks something like this:
1) Experience it
2) Feel it
3) Process it
4) Move through it

My trouble was everything after that pesky number one. I had taken a wrong turn following this redefining experience, and had navigated the way around it rather than through it. So all those years later, seeking solace in the place of old hurts that had now become my normal coping mechanisms, I was wrong from the first thought. I was like a rock skipping across the water’s surface that refused to ripple.

Escape. Around. Never through.

Not through it. Never that. Never a ripple or a crease or a path that involved what should have rightly followed the experienced. The ripples…

Heading home today, to Oregon to see my mom Nancy and dad Don. And many many Lamms and Sanders to sit with and be with and love on. Mom Lamm is now less than she was from a stroke back in April.

I am feeling a lot right now. I am afraid of confronting and sitting with the loss of what she has been to me. Today though I’ll do what I know to do. Seek healthy support. I will go to a 12-Step Meeting. I will not escape in any way, but walk through it, ripples and all.

2009 is about change in so many ways for so many of us. If that does not describe you, then you are likely in the minority on this one. Ask yourself what change you might be open to make or explore. Come on in, the water’s just fine.

Change begins.

- Brad

Dear Brad & John,

Well…it has been nearly two years since we first met you.

Things are just fine now…thanks in large part to you two.

We just want you to know we think of you often & continue to thank you for all your efforts on our behalf. Merry Christmas, Tom, Patty, Chris + Rudy

A cold day in New York City, winding down.

Always my favorite time of year is just this time. The city light’s never prettier, with all the holiday hoo-haw. And the snow from the past day or so has left a sweet, chilly blanket of white across this city that never sleeps.

So if you’re getting ready for the last few days before you pack it in and pack it home for a holiday break - here’s to time to rest, renew and revive. We need it. 

I was writing to my friend Maggie today about the choices we make that so terrificly color our path. Many years ago, I made a choice that lead to help that became the color today - shades of laughter and love and light. Another choice would have kept me in the dark. Because more than any other truth I have learned this: LIGHT OR DARK OCCUPY ONE SPACE. One replaces the other. 

The one I had been seeking to save me ultimately, was me. Others helped me come to that understanding, and now it starts and stops with me more or less.

My own 2008 was one unlike any other. I married. I sold my first book. My practice flourished in many rich ways. Here’s to this New Year 2009, and our choices that will make it full of light.

- Brad

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?

Consumption of the holiday variety seems down, way down this year. The economy is straining under the weight of its’ own neverending bad statistics, and down it goes. Deeper, darker, doom!

Or is it? Look, I know there are the realities of dealing with having less after a time of steady growth. Adjustments have to be made or the feeling of going under water that many feel will increase, and worsen. So here’s my Holiday Gift Guide 2008: Buy Less. Give More.

I have felt my consumption drop these past six months. I am consuming less. Thinking more, about where the money is going, where it came from, and how it works itself in the wash or doesn’t. Without doubt, what I am buying, has decreased dramatically.

Take my holiday gift list. Please, really, I want you to take it!

This year I decided that less is more. I will buy less, and give more. I will purchase fewer items, and give more of myself, my time, my affection and love. This stuff, is Free Fun.

Can’t buy it, lease it, or barter it for breakfast. By its’ nature, it’s free, and won’t set you back a penny.

My favorite Free Fun things as a boy remain the top of the list today.

1) People watch at the park, with a good friend or alone

2) Watch the sea rush in and retreat back out

3) Eat a spoonful of peanut butter and a spoonful of blackberry preserves

4) Give someone a helping hand

5) Kiss somebody!

I encourage you to put the credit cards away, and molify the urge to spend, to consume. The presence of my life here on earth is best reflected in who I am rather than what I consume. This holiday season, splurge on Free Fun. It won’t cost a thing, and it sure feels good after.
-Brad

I stopped in Barnes & Noble yesterday to pick up an all-time favorite TV show - “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” Produced in 1964 for NBC, it shows up every year around this time to remind how to have a holly, jolly Christmas while smiling and feeling like a little boy again.

I happen to love it each time I catch Rudolph, the elf who’d rather become a dentist than package toys, the Island of Misfit Toys, and the “put one foot in front of the other” song that the abominable snowman sings. I still get quite a kick.

I’m not one of those folks who own a lot of DVDs, but I’ll say that bringing Rudolph home, made me feel terrific. Sweet!

I liked the story of the outsider, moving out in to his dreams back in 1972 around when I first remember having seen it, and I love it even more today. 

Today, it’s our busiest season at the home office. A season of celebration, family, renewal and change. Now that’s what I call a holiday! So as you stop, shop and consider what you’ll fill the stockings with this year when things are shaping up to be leaner than in recent memory, consider Rudolph. He set me back $12.

I think you can’t go wrong with the little fella. It was as sweet and strong back then as it is now. So follow your nose, to the Family Section, filed under “R” for Rudolph, and Red-Nosed, and Reindeer!

-bRad

This week we’ve been inundated by pictures of Britney Spears 2.0. Wow, has this girl changed or what? Remember just about four minutes ago, her family stepped in, refused to take NO for an answer and did what they were able to get past the resistance they encountered in trying to save their daughter’s life.

The BEFORE and AFTER pictures are compelling examples of what change really looks like.

The eyes. The hair. The spirit reflected out through her clenched teeth and jaw. The before, the chaos. The life that was impaired and off and disturbing and frightening. Now THIS is something millions of Americans can relate to. The BEFORE picture.

We’re taught a few things growing up. A couple of them are that, in life we can count on death and taxes right? Well, I’ll tell you there’s at least a few other items to add to the list: water, food and change.

Why NOT change for the better? Given the clear choice between positive and negative change, folks will chose POSITIVE CHANGE. But…there’s a big BUT…

The ability to buy into positive change over negative is dependent on perspective.

When I asked a mom last week, if it hurts doing nothing while her son drowns in dangerous behavior, she was clear that she was in pain, and desired that things get better. But the perspective that allows her to make change begin is something that she had to choose to stand upon. Her “normal” had become so used to hurt, pain, drama, disappointment and fear that it proved a real challenge to shift focus, and gain a truer perspective.

What helped this mom (I’ll call her Shannon) gain perspective was hope.

Shannon didn’t wake up one morning and find hope. It was something she choose to let inspire her action. It was her fuel, the fire that enabled her to stand up, invite folks in to help her, and begin change for her son.

She stormed the gates just like Britney’s folks did. They jumped through different hoops than you might - but just like them, you can choose inspiration over despair and do-nothingness. Parents move mountains. As do brothers and sisters, and loved ones each and every day - choosing hope over despair, and action over staying still.

Before and after pictures serve as a reminder that the distance between them is not so far. In fact, I believe you can get there from here.

x

While on our honeymoon I caught many sights and sounds of a country reborn: Vietnam.

Up close, looks different. Richer. Stronger. Incredible history and inspiring strength. Prior to walking the streets there, I had a history book perspective. In front of me, talking with folks and walking with them, my view shifted. What I believed to be one thing, was another entirely.

An oft cited study of families who have an addicted loved one in their midst, tells us that on average it will take seven years for the group to speak up and try to usher in help.

Seven years. Sheesh! Some stretch. 2555 days and nights before it’s just too much to bear, or the fear of the outcome is outweighed by the immediacy of the need to help right now. Seven years. The average. 

Because it looks different up close. We love someone, we care about someone while we see them hurting or in the midst of chaos brought about by some behavior we think we are powerless over helping them change. Up close, like the frog in the water on the stove with the heat increasing over time, we don’t notice sometimes just how hot it’s getting. 

He’s ok.

It’s better the past three days.

(SEVEN YEARS!)

She made it to work every day last month.

He told me his doctor prescribed it, and he’s taking it as prescribed.

She says she’s okay.

Up close, looks different. The focus shifted, an inventory is taken. We write it out, what we have really seen, what’s really going on. What have you seen? What are you an I-Witness to? Write it down. Consider. 

Seven years is the average. Who wants to be average? 

Call me anytime.

-Brad

Publishers Weekly on December 1, will run something about a bunch of work.

I did the work, over two years time, hundreds of hours poured in to a book, reflecting thousands of hours working with families and friends and behavior and change. HOW TO CHANGE SOMEONE YOU LOVE has found a great publisher for the North American rights. So on December 1, 2008, a little bit of real estate in a publication about publications will tell a bit more than this blog entry about the book, the publisher, along with the publishing schedule.

But really the deal is this: WE CHANGE. 

Good. Bad. In between. Right. Wrong. The black and white, and the gray. We change and adapt always. Constantly changing.

So while my book will have pages and a front and back, it’s unlike anything else on the shelf.  The stories and theory and truth are unfamiliar to most. Because much of what we have been told about change, and intervening and waiting on the sidelines before stepping in to help someone we love is plain wrong.

We have, right where we are, tremendous power to help a loved one change. In fact, more than that expert or therapist or shrink or treatment center that we think just might deliver a miracle, we already share love and intimacy and history with those in our lives. 

As important as the question: IS THIS TRUE? CAN WE REALLY CHANGE SOMEONE WE LOVE?! is the truth that we constantly change while adapting to trouble caused by the behavior of others. We adapt; practice resilience.

We change. Why not change for the better?

Nearly every day I hear from someone who is “waiting until he is ready to stop…and then…” And then what? 

In an instant, change begins. An instant becomes a moment, stretching to a minute becoming an hour, prolonged in to a day and finally more time unfolds in front of us. Change deepens, strengthens, and replaces the normalized abnormal we often settle for.

So here is to change and books. To theory and truth put in to practice. HOW TO CHANGE SOMEONE YOU LOVE. More than words, it’s truth in action. Truth in action.

Onward, Brad

Study finds obese kids have arteries like 45-year-olds’
Many overweight children and teenagers could have severe cardiovascular disease in their 20s and 30s, causing a healthcare crisis. Early identification of the problem is a key.
By Thomas H. Maugh II / The Los Angeles Times / November 12, 2008
-

The arteries of many obese children and teenagers are as thick and stiff as those of 45-year-olds, a sign that such children could have severe cardiovascular disease at a much younger age than their parents unless their condition is reversed, researchers said Tuesday.

“It’s possible that they will have heart disease in their 20s and 30s,” said Dr. Geetha Raghuveer of the University of Missouri at Kansas City, who led the study presented at a New Orleans meeting of the American Heart Assn.

—-

So begins an article in today’s LA Times, telling us what we already know if we slow down and seek an answer in the calm creamy center of the truth.

We. Eat. Way. Too. Much.

And no, it’s not about genetics, or nutrition, or goodness sakes, the cries of I’M HUNGRY MOM! There is a hunger that exists to be fed, to be full, to have enough, to take more and put it in. The result is we get heavier and heavier, fatter and fatter, stuffing the food in to fill the hole; to meet those needs that have nothing to do with any of the four food groups.

Some will go the other way - purge to rid the body of the binge. Others trend toward anorexia, diuretics or laxatives. Dependency? Yes. FEED ME!

Shades of Hope in Buffalo Gap, TX has been treating disordered eating with great effect for many years. They are tops in this field.

Overeater’s Anonymous (www.OA.org), the 12-Step Action Group (I won’t use the phrase “Support Group”), in your own neighborhood is a terrific place to start for many. It’s free, and offers a message of solutions.

At some point, we claim ownership of the behavior that is killing us. Action = Life. I have a tattoo that says just that, on my right arm. It dates back to the early 1990s, days when I had hope for change, but had not yet experienced it in any lasting way.

What a perfect day to begin change. If it’s a tough nut to crack in your own mind, put a pen to paper and write a list of the Five Things to Change in your world, IF YOU COULD. Email me your responses. I can’t wait to hear!

Change begins.

In Dallas yesterday, walking in with hope to meet the family with very little.

A  young man, drowning in booze and behavior that combined was a recipe already for ambulances, hospitals, bruises, cuts, shame, blame and guilt. What to do!?

As if on cue, the family pet chimed in with her two cents - like a mix between a meow and a bark, she echoed the rest of the family voices: AGREE TO HELP, ALREADY!

My pooch, Bandit the Dog, first came to me as a puppy long before I was clean, sane or sober. One day while in a fit of insanity, I drove four hours, back to the breeder from whence he came. I dropped him off and gave a tongue lashing about how “this dog has made me crazy!!!” She received the dog in silence. I drove off in to the dark dark night, without the one friend that had seen me behind closed doors at my worst.

The next day I called the breeder in panic - IS MY DOG THERE WITH YOU? YES?! I’M ON MY WAY TO GET HIM BACK NOW!

“No,” she said. And stuck to it.

Weeks later, and many calls later including two letters filled with remorse, I did get Bandit the Dog back. Today, all these years later, I wonder when he shies from me on occasion, if it’s old fears creeping back to the front of the brain. Perhaps a tone of voice, that reminds him of the companion from the years before I got help. Before I was able to stop, and stay stopped.

If any of you are dog experts, chime in. Is such a thing even possible?!

Anyway, here’s to pooches, and purrs, and birds of all different feathers that often figure in to the lonely lives of those struggling with behavior that stops them from having full, rich, healthy, joy-filled lives. The strength we have in making change begin in the lives of those we love is enormous and already present. It’s not something you have to find, or purchase. And power is found in the most unlikely of moments.

Be encouraged, and touch this hope.

Arf!!!